bairn's blether

Friday, June 24, 2005

Spelling Sentences

The word was 'rich', the sentence was....

" Lottery winners are so rich they can afford fake tans".

Naturally I sent the child with the jotter to the P2 teacher who is always going on about the benefits of a fake tan.... she was not amused (-:

Thursday, June 23, 2005

poll dancing

Talking about things we were scared to do but managed to do anyway, today. One boy was telling me about an assault course set up in his neighbours back yard. The daughter in that household ( Kate) is also in my class. From the assault course the conversation moved to a poll in this garden where apparently Kate poll dances. She slides down the poll and swings round at the bottom... hardly sexy stuff.

This however is not the case for Kate's mother who got drunk one night and was giving the poll a real work out as witnessed by the boy from his bedroom window.

I asked Kate to make sure her mother knew I knew this story.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

December tomorrow

In the language session we wrote letters to Santa, what a lovely lesson. The children were appalled at how greedy and rude Tony was and how messy and and poorly spelt David's was. They oohd and ahd over my computer generated one and how tidy and polite mine was. What wonderful pieces of writing they produced, they were so tidy and clean too. One girl finally managed to get finger spaces between her words. Thats her first time. She was my star writer. It was such a shame I had to part with the letters . Just can't risk them being found. We send them off to Santa, the post office respond. Just as the magical air began to die out in class I sent two children up to the office to ask the secretary for an envelope we can send to the North Pole. An "Ohhhhhhhhhh" rippled around the room, "thats where Santa lives" .. and the magic began again. Tomorrow we start our Christmas post and advent calendars.

whose hand is it anyway?

Sharon.: " Miss Miss, I was putting my hand in the basket to get a blue pen to colour this in and Ann put her hand over mine and took my hand out again"

Me: " Ann, why did you do that?"

Ann: "I thought it was my hand Miss!"

1 bottle down 4 to go

Last day of school before the Christmas break, in this school Ah'm eih drowned wi gifts.

We were playing guess the present from feeling and looking. This one being guessed was obviously a bottle of wine, it was opened.

Kyle : Oh its a bottle of Buckie
Josh: Don 't be silly Kyle Buckie has an orange top.
Me: No its a lovely bottle of sparkling wine.

Late in the day Mas runs up with a present, also a bottle of wine. Mum is there so I say thank you.

Mum: Ah dinae know whit tae git yi, he says a pair o dangly earings, bit Ah said Ah'll jist git yi wine. He said naw, Ah dinae hink she drinks.

I just burst oot laughin an thanked her again.

santa claus is coming doon the lumb

Read the kids the night before Christmas today. They fell to discussing Father Christmas. Its funny how each and everyone of them believes implicitly. Our writing program just now is 'the Gingerbread man'. In discussion a few weeks ago none of them could accept the fact that a ginger bread man could talk... there was no such thing as magic. This very day I heard one assure another that you don't have to know how the reindeer fly, santa is magic, everything about him is magic. This child was particularly vehement on the non magic front.

My job is rather fun right now.

Alien Planet

Please remember the age of the children in my class ( 7/8) They say things which from an older child would be regarded as cheek, however from them, its genuine.

I had to introduce the children to a globe of the earth today. Many are unlikely to have known that the Earth is spherical so I decided to go at it through a picture in a 'big book' they are fond of. I opened the "Really Big Book of the Universe" and showed them a picture of our solar system. I pointed to the blue planet and said,
" This is Earth, this is where we live"

Ky immediately pointed to Jupiter and said,
"and this is where the aliens live".

Pays to advertise

One wee lassie informed me today that the you had to come to school to learn to read. If you didn't learn to read your baby could die because you couldn't read the instructions.

I learned later this is an advert on tv, but what the hey its the best reason I have heard for learning to read this week.

Joined up thinking would be a start

Teaching the children about picture writing, like cave paintings only as our topic is The Plains Indians the story would have been painted on the tipi. We were doing the story of 'The Sacred Dog' (the horse) and then the children had to re tell the story in picture writing on paper bison skins.

" Can we do it joined-up picture writing miss?"

everything is relative

Marc: I can't wait to be really really old so I can go to the pub with my grandpa.

( the legal age for pub entry in Scotland is 18, so where does that leave me?)


Was out of class today in my preparation time. I listen to my ipod at such times, helps me drown out the rest of the school noises, just in one ear mind. One of my kids saw me putting in my ear bud and exclaimed.....

" what in the HELL is that?"
I assure you my face remained straight till she had a flea in her ear and was out of sight again.

Is This The Way to Amerillo

Its a funny week here we are only in for four days so the management decided to have a special week of keeping fit. Do you remember the Tony Christie hit, "Is This The Way to Amerillo" ? Its become a major hit over here since it was featured in comic relief. Its made number one. The video shows various British Comedy stars power walking, presumably to Amerllo with various recorded back grounds. Its very funny and everyone, but everyone is singing it just now. We did our aerobic work out in class first thing but I got caught short 5 mins to sparte at the end of a music lesson.... I had the whole class power walking around the class to " That "A" song about the pillow" What a laugh we had, kids loved it.


Doing a spelling test on Friday. It is usual when reading the spelling words out, to put them in some sort of context to stop silly mistakes. Ship... The ship sank to the bottom of the sea. Then I don't get 'shit'. I do however try to add as much fun to this process as possible with silly sentences and songs. One group is working on the pattern "sh"

The word was 'Flash'.

Me : flash ... Flash ahhhhhh ahhhh Saviour of the universe
Jo : You have gone too far now Miss Gorgeous!

I am cool!

I recently found the need to use my in-hailers in class. One child came up to me, regarded me calmly and demanded to know if I had asthma. Holding ones breath in one's lungs for 10 seconds means nothing to a child, so I nodded a yes reply. She exclaimed,

The Lollipop Lady

We were discussing the roll of the lollipop woman ( school crossing patrol officer). The community police officer was in dealing with another class. I sent two children along to ask him the question they didn't know the answer too.
"Does a car have to stop for a lollypop lady by law?"

So off two children trotted.

" Miss, does by law mean it comes from the King or Queen?"

me "It means they come from the government."

" what's government? Is that that man that wears a towel on his head?"

I was still sitting with my mouth open trying to make sense of that when the two questioners returned.

" Yes, if the driver doesn't stop, they can be charged. I think it will be about £100."

I am still trying to figure out the towel on the head crack.

predicatable with hindsight

PC Gray was in today, he is our community policeman and he was in to do the stranger danger talk in connection with our topic " People who Help us" The children love to ask questions, so in preparation for these talks I have them prepare questions. The questioning was going well

Child: What's the fastest you have have ever driven your police car?

PC Gray: Well I only drive really fast when I am chasing the bad boys and girls who steal cars. The streets of this town are too small for fast driving. I was in a car chase last week. Any of you know Leeshill?

( a particular area of the town the school is set in)

General chorus of "Aye"

Willy : Thats where Ah live.

PC Gray : Well you'll know Bromhall Street then?

Willy: Aye, thats where ma brither lives.

PC Gray: Well I had to chase someone up there last week. ...... whats your brothers name?

Willy: Winky !

P.C Gray promptly collapsed laughing and mouthed to me, thats who he had been chasing.

The soft word turns away wrath

We had been discussing feelings and the reason people make you feel bad. One child had been talking about his wee sister and how she likes to make fun of him when he is playing with his pals.

Me: Why do you think his wee sister behaves like that? What is she looking for?

Star : Just looking for a little attention.

Me: That's right: what a great answer

Mark: (scots) At the same attenshun yi git a a high skull?
(eng) Is that the same attention you get in High School?

Class and teacher look dumfoonart.... eventually

Jamie: No, thats DEtention

when she has a moment

There is one girl in my class who is younger than the rest, she is a clever wee chookie and she does well. As part of their talking and listening ( language) curriculum they have to learn to carry messages accurately. I decided to send Kate a message asking one of the classroom assistants if she could come and see me. I took a definite decision not to write down the message down as I wanted it to be a learning experience for Kate. I coached her on what she had to say.

Say to Mrs Cut " When you have a moment P3 (the name of our class) would like a word with you please".
Kate looked uncertain I repeated it, "When you have a moment P3 would like a word with you please".
I asked Kate to repeat it back, she said " If you have a moment P3 would like a word with you please".
I explained to Kate that if she said "IF" and not "when" Mrs Cut would think she had to come right away and things weren't urgent.
I repeated what she had to say, "When you have a moment P3 would like a word with you please".
She gave me it back, "When you have a moment P3 would like a word with you please".

Kate went to deliver her message to Mrs Cut and the rest of us moved to the seated area to begin our Maths lesson. The children were very excited about Mrs Cut coming because they had made some marvelous posters for her library the day before. As we sat down Josh asked me, "So when is Mrs Cut coming?" And with one voice the class replied,



Me: No Mrs Cut wont be in today, she is on a course.
Joe : I didn't know she played golf.

a five liner

Spelling test today. Spell 5

Kate wrote " 5ive"

in black and white.

Teaching symmetry today. The children needed to see the lines on the board, so I washed it with a wet paper towel. A wee voice from the back suddenly exclaimed....

"Oh, that's why they call it a black board!"


Two days into the new term so these kids know me from the previous day and last year. New class new problems.

Mas (6) comes up to me waving a piece of paper,
"Miss ... Miss err, Whits your name again?"
" Just call me gorgeous, Mas"
General laughter, they understood the joke.

About an hour later I am working with the child sitting next to Ann and Ann needs help.
"Gorgeous? Do I colour this bit in here?"
There was no guile what so ever about her, she simply thought that was my name. I can live with that.

Mile High Club

This one is not from the class but a story about my son and his limited understanding of the world.

TC went to Cyprus this year on holiday with his father. During the flight he went to the toilet . Returning to his seat TC told his father in a less than quiet voice that that was him, he was a member of the 'mile high club'. His father, mortified hushed him up and asked what Tony meant. Tony had understood the phrase mile high club to mean going to the toilet in a aeroplane.

Run A Round Sue

What a laugh it has been the last two days in school, the children are beginning to settle down to me. One child has just fixed Miss Gorgeous in her head as my name and never refers to me as anything else. The gypsy girls declared that they loved school and have decided to "stop" with me. Needless to say 2 of them didn't come to school this morning.

We have been talking about staying healthy and are currently discussing sleeping and good bed time practise. No chocolate, fizzy drinks or loud music. Now they couldn't see why no loud music so I put on Run A Round Sue. They had a ball, dancing to it and were buzzing by the time it finished. Then I put on "Shades of and Ancient Forrest" real meditative type stuff. I talked them down and got them to calm right down. Then we lay down to see how relaxed they could get... two of them fell asleep on me and a third declared he wis jist aboot floatin away.

Will it make any difference? Hell no!


A teacher gave me a bottle of wine today as a thank you for something I had done. The bottle came in one of those gift bags which one doesn't have to open to know it was a bottle of booze. Dale, from my last class happened to be walking by at the time and, shouts
"Oh Miss is goin tae git steamin* the night"

Miss doesn't always get it right

Took a photo of my new class to put on the door. Thought I would pose them in front of the chalk board, meanwhile I wrote on the board behind them .... " Miss Rableather is the best teaher ever!" Didn't spot the mistake until after I had sent them back to their seats. Had to cut the photo.

I was out of class in the afternoon doing some work. A supply teacher was taking my class and they were going to computing. For one reason or another I had to work in the computing room, with my own class shouting me every two mins. The other teacher was using the projector to show the children her computer screen... click this icon here, the talking first word, the pink book. etc. Everything she told them to do was shown on the wall with a slight delay. She couldn't figure this out. I sat and watched and said nothing. She was on the wrong computer to show the screen. One of my really smart boys was on that one and working on oral instruction and doing really well. It was so funny.

Too Young to know about that

Talking about growing up today... L ( Me) M (child I was talking too) J (another child)

L: Do any of you remember what you could do when you were nothing?

M: I was in my mummy's tummy an she wus wearin wan o the belly tap hings and she hud the knittin up the front o her belly.

L: The knitting?

M: Aye yi know where the wean cums oot.

L: Oh right, I see... moving quickly on to what they could do when they were 3 months old.

M: Ah know ho babies git in thur mammy's tummies, ma daddy tellt me.

L: **Best teaching marm voice** well you just keep it to yourself, I am sure I don't want to know.
................. lesson moves on and finishes, we are getting ready for PE.

J: MISS MISS!!!! M told us how babies get made and its disgusting. He says it starts with your *** lips tightly closed head nodded in a meaningful way***
L: Jay I don't know what a *** lips tightly closed head nodded in a meaningful way*** is and I am sure it is disgusting. I don't want to know any more. M you are doing far too much talking we are not going to get all of our PE time of you don't be quiet and get on with it.

In P.E. today, wind down time.
Teacher:" Go line up if you hear me describe you'
'Line leader....' ( 1 went)
'Star writers' ( 2 go)
'Special person' ( another one)
'If you are really good untying knots' ( another one)
'If your sister has a song written about her... "well hello Mary Lou"' ( eventually 1)
'If you are cute as a button' ( the rest of the class)

some days are like that
Teacher: " R can you read this word here" ( its 'and')
Rena: " I've got a lovely pleat in my hair"
Teacher :" Yes it is lovely, but what is this word"
Rena: " Isn't it nice?"
Teacher:" Oh its beautiful. Rena whats this word?"
Rena: " I really like it"
Teacher :" Rena what is this word?"
Rena: **shrugs shoulders and plays with her pleat**

now I am two

So children what could you do when you were one?

*drink from a bottle
*fall downstairs

What could you do when you were two, that you couldn't do when you were one?
*drink from a cup
*walk backwards
*fall downstairs backwards


When is reading a book, not reading a book? In my class apparantly

Sav is a painfully shy wee lassie. She will blether but her voice is so soft she has to stand right up close to be heard. Today in PE, she danced around me and shouted " I juuust loooooove coming to school"

We are doing Big Books in writing just now, specifically " The Royal Dinner' The children know this book inside out and love to read along with me. Today while reading aloud with the children the secretary came in. Despite being only P3 ( 6/7 yrs old) I handed the reading finger over to Josh, an excellent reader himself and told him to carry on. This he did magnificently and after two pages I was ready to take over again but instead I called another child to take over the pointer. The children adored this, an every two pages we changed. I was really very impressed by the way everyone handled it.

I did my usual, put your had in the air, hand down your back, give yourself a pat". Which they all did. laughing as they always do. When it was finished Elen shouted out.

" And three cheers for Miss Gorgeous for letting us read a book"


Funnily enough I thought they did that all the time!

Its been a quiet day at school, lots of work undertaken and loads of marking to do.

Mas came up to me with some work today, told me he needed some help. He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper and told me ' I am not very good at reading, thats my problem'. My heart melted. I told him I thought he was super. I told him to tell me what he was, he said super in a not to convincing fashion. So I told him to tell the class. Which he did, he shouted " I AM SUPER!' Then I decided he needed more so I sent him to the next class and told him to tell them too.

I expected him to go to the teacher and tell the teacher what he had to do. The class teacher told me at break what happened next.

She spotted him hanging about outside the door and beckoned him in. He opened the door, never let go of the handle, stayed in the doorway and shouted at the top of his lungs " I AM SUPER!" and swished back out.

This was all taken in good part apparently by everyone involved, I have no idea if this is because I have a reputation for weird or because he is known to be a really nice kid. The rest of my class were just stunned I sent him and let him do it. The thought sending the people who answered sums correctly around the class in a happy snoopy dance yesterday was quite different enough for most of them.

hope they were clean

Not from my class but worth a mention....

In assembly today, sitting neatly in a row with the rest of his class, and indeed the rest of the school, Kier ( age 5/6 P2) suddenly becomes quite agitated and starts to squirm around. His teacher goes over to see what's wrong just as Kier finally manages to release what's troubling him down one leg of his trousers. With a flourish he holds it up and ponders,

" How did these get there?".

He is holding a a pair of boxer shorts. I have no knowledge of the state of cleanliness of these objects.


Brought to show n tell one model fighter aeroplane.

Q: Does it shoot animals?
A: no it shoots bullets

who needs a licence?

One of the gypsy traveller women came to see the boss yesterday, the boss is happy to fill in forms for them as many are illiterate. This lady wanted her provisional driving licence application filled in. The boss was too busy at that moment and asked her to come back later. The lady agreed. She then went back to the car, climbed in, started up, and drove off.

get it right miss

The teachers went out today to bring the children in at lunch time. As always on a Friday the points were given out for the best class at lining up. Once again my class scored the maximum five points, so I was teasing the teacher who was giving out the point by holding up Mr Pointy ( palm facing outward) and shouting the word 'one'. From beside me a little voice piped up, eager to set me straight and without a hint of cheek.

" Miss, you are using the wrong finger, this is how its done" He then showed me how to flip the bird, as they say.

name on the paper

The bane of every teacher's life is the child who doesn't put their name on a worksheet. I don't care how competent or incompetent the teacher is, this is a problem in her class. For seven years of primary school and then up to six years at secondary school the teacher says,
" What is the first thing you do when you get a sheet of paper?"
And the children reply
" Put your name on it"

Today my partner got a phone call enquiring if someone at this address had applied for a job. A little confused David asked if it was a Primary School, to which the person on the other end of the phone replied, no its McDonald's. David immediately worked out that it was my sixth year at secondary school son who had applied and answered accordingly. McDonald's were not at all sure to whom to offer an interview to as Tony neglected to put his name on the application form.

Says a lot about the staff at McDonald's that he got an interview.

Don't say the C word, you can sing it.

As you are aware the children get more and more excited over Christmas. With all the stuff hitting the shops so much earlier now I decided to ban the C word, and indeed the S word until December. We are practising for a school Christmas concert at the moment. Most days we spend some time in the assembly hall as a school singing. One of the songs includes the words.

" Thank you for watching our Christmas
Thank you for watching our Christmas
Thank you for watching our Christmas show"

Well thats what we were supposed to sing but as I had banned the C word mine were singing
'Thank you for watching our hmmm show'

So today at practice I interjected about being allowed to sing the words Christmas. At this point there was a great kaffuffle among the P2s, they wanted to be able to sing it too! They also had been banned from saying the C word.

Neither myself, P3, nor the P2 teacher had thought for one minute it would be taken that seriously.

Buckfast wine as drunk by the Neds of Lanarkshire

I gave Dave a bottle of Cava to give to the classroom assistant. I told Dale to tell her,
"Thanks for helping us this year". He took the wine and said " Here's a bottle of Bucki for you Miss"

seems sensible

I asked the children what they were going to be doing in the holidays. Dave told me he was going to McDonald's and going swimming. Seeing an opportunity to underline the lesson 'one should not swim on a full stomach ' I asked him which he would be doing first. He said he would be going swimming first. I asked him why and he replied ' You might get your buns soggy'.

trip tae ra seaside

Went to Culzean castle today (Ayrshire Coast) on our classes annual
Like all teachers I hate trips. Just one thing goes wrong it could be
the end of my career. So it should be no surprise to you to hear I was
listening to the radio news at 4 this morning. Shattered and dreading
it we set off this morning in glorious and unseasonal sunshine ( which
is forecast to end tomorrow) Our rout took us over the moorlands close
to the earliest recorded battle site of Wallace, Loudoun hill

You know that show Jeopardy you American's have.... where you are given
the answer and you have to guess the question? Here are some of the
questions I had to answer on the way....

" No Rebecca, we are not on England yet"
"No Rebecca, Ayr is not in England"
"No Kellyann that's a field not a plain"
"No Kellyann those are cows, not a herd of wild bison"

Had a terrific day. Loved the tour around the castle. I learned so much
because the tour was guided. The kids were terrific and we all had a
fantastic day. Now my feet are killing me.

permission granted

I took the children outside to look for signs of spring. Its our new
science project. I needed a branch in bud to take to class, so as
my Celtic spirituality dictates, I asked the tree's permission first. I
then chose a branch that was brittle anyway.

Later in our tour of the playground I stopped near a Rodhidendrum (sp?)
and the children kept asking me...
"can I ask permission to take a leaf?"

I thought, that's my reputation shot to buggery!

Of course this is the same class, who got an earful from me about
pulling off branches from trees, back in the Autumn. When questioned
the following week about what we had been talking about the previous
week it was repeated

" we must treat trees with respect, they have been at school much
longer than we have"

Well that was the gist of the row I gave them, not the lesson, and it was 'here' meaning earth I said, but it was remembered as 'here' meaning the school.

So on we move to another tree, this one can be seen outside the class.
I explained to them that last years class did not know what kind of
tree this was as it had no leaves, just as it hadn't today. I explained
that for ease we had called it Eric. With one voice they shouted "HELLO

So were were talking about laws and rules and why we have them. We fell
to discussing where our laws came from and the ten commandments. Now we
had discussed these at assembly on Friday, so they were fairly fresh
and so was the eleventh. Still they were getting a little mixed up on
the Jesus front. Who had given the commandments and who had done the
love one another one. So I sorted them out and then...

Alan wanted to know how come I knew all this stuff about
Jesus, did I actually meet him before he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PC Gray

Don't know how well this will translate to the written word, but here
goes anyway.

We had a visit from Ricky, our community policeman. He had done the
stranger danger talk and we had asked a lot of questions then we got to
look at some of his equipment. The truncheon cause particular interest.
Alan was fair jumping up and down in his seat.

"Ricky! Ricky! go on hit my arm with your truncheon"

." If I hit your arm with this you would never EVER be able to use it

**Alan stopped and thought for a moment, then held out his left arm**

"Ricky ! Ricky! do it to this arm, I don't need this one!"

Today's Funnies

"Miss, Miss, can you shout 'stop and tidy now', Ah canny dae this."

I kid you not,he had just turned seven and it was only draw a picture of the lollipop woman.


One of the teachers who do more than one school, was telling me today
she is doing "People who help us" in her class too and they had a
couple of firemen in to show the kids the equipment and give a talk on
their job. One we boy put his hand up to say
"Ma daddy has a big hose too"

Even the firemen were creasing themselves.

From the Christmas Time

The following account is true, I was that teacher and it has been put
to me that I should tell my story here though I think its rather

Over the weekend I spent a good few hours making maths worksheets.
Basically the children do the sums, each answer corresponds with a
letter and they have to answer the question " What does the teacher
want you to do next?" These sheets really do have to be worked out for
them to work, and that means they do take hours to produce... ok so I
decorate them appropriately too. Yesterday's read " draw one thing
santa will bring". Today's read "Make a Christmas card" and of course
they are differentiated into group abilities.

Two days before the end of term, the other teachers are getting all
arty and I am still doing maths. I go over on the board one more time
how to do a Tens and Units sum, first time with carrying ( ten on the
door step knocking to get in) the other without the carrying.
.. " so the answer is 64. Now we look across at our Christmas tree and
we see 64 = B"

" Miss does that mean it one of those code sheets then?"

" yes, yes it does"

The whole class cheered.

I know that must seem boastful but it touched me deeply. It meant I had
managed to do something exciting, something right, I had managed to
make tens and units fun. I don't know how to explain how wonderful that

At teaching college they hammered into us that it was essential that
the classroom and indeed the school should be a text rich environment.
Everything should be labelled, and writing displayed. Its all part of
the ethos behind making children into readers.

For some unknown reason a collection of first gloves and now dirty
socks has been building up on the table outside my class. After nearly
a week of three dirty white girls socks lying there I decided to act.
Socks? This time of year? Yes I hung them up. I put a notice up ..
" Dear Santa, we have been good girls this year" and it then went on to
label each sock with the names of three teachers ( myself included).

It worked, all the children have had a read at it....and a laugh. But
thats not all, all day long the socks have been mysteriously filling up
with sweets!

DIRTY SOCKS! but it is sweet.

Ahm deed noo

Please remember I have a class of six year olds.

So I was introducing the diary for the first time today. We talked
about the date and who would read it and what sort of thing should go
in it. Then we talked about how they were great to look back on. Years
from now they could pick up this diary and read it and they would say
things like..

" Ayyyyye see that Miss XXXX, she wis gorgeous her"
"Ayyye see that Miss XXXX, she wis a brilliant teacher"

"Or even "

" Ayyyyye see that Miss XXXX,...."

**voice from the gallery**

" aye she's deed noo"
(Yes, she is dead now)

I just left him................ lying there!

Kidding aside I was bent double with laughter, poor laddie had nae even
realised he had said something funny...Just like last week when in an
effort to reassure him ( which I frequently do in auld scots)

"Dinnae git yir knickers in a fankle"

" But Miss, Ahm wearin boxers Miss "

a funny old day

The kids were funny today. I put "their " CD on while they were doing
some cut and stick tasks. We have a talent show coming up on the 19th
of December. Last year I had the whole class doing some set dance. It
went down a ball. The p1s and 2s had to rush to try to catch up. This
year I thought I would get a head start on it and make up a dance. We
are working on Spirit in the Sky. We did quite well but the boys
weren't to happy about it last time we tried. Well Spirit in the Sky
was playing this after noon and one by one the whole class ended up the
back dancing. I knew what was going on but pretended I didn't. Boy are
they good. Even the boys were up copying the girls.

Due to the morning we had had we hadn't done any reading. At lunch time
I found a great wee task that wasn't to onerous. Basically they had to
cut out five questions and stick them to the answers. They were jokes
"who gets the sack every day?" "The Postman" "where do fish keep their
money?" "In a river bank". Now in order to do it right the children had
to read the questions. This was unprepared text so it was a challenge.
They loved it. The idea of taking these home to tell jokes to mum and
dad kept them on task... except when Spirit in The Sky was playing.
Then when it was done each and everyone of them felt it necessary to
tell me every single joke.....individually. Now I made up one of my own
to demonstrate what they had to do. I knew every one of those jokes (
want to hear some more?) But I had to laugh at them afresh every time.
I had kids scuttling everywhere to tell someone else one of their
jokes. No one was safe. The poor Janitor came in and he was hijacked.
Of course no one could complete a joke because one of the other kids
shouted out the answer. Lady from the office? No one was safe! Poor mum
or dad tonight **lol**

Aye its been a funny old day.

Tomorrow I have to work out the part of the dance to Spirit in The Sky.
I am beginning to regret this. **lol**


All teachers are married, even when they aren't.

Me "No, Kerri I am not a Mrs I am a Miss, do you know what the difference is?"
Kerri ""No Miss"
Me " A miss is not married so I am not married"
Kerri " But Miss you are pretty enough to be married"

this teaching malarky

Not been a great day and its been another long one. I have however
discovered what I should be doing with this teaching malarky.
Apparantly all I have to do is tell the kids something.
One wee laddie
is always in a dwam. I turn cart wheels in order to try to get his
attention... the rest of the class always know what to do.. he never
does. Today was the second day his group was introduced to the half
hour and he was getting everything right. Always looking for an excuse
to praise, I told him he was doing well. He said..
" aye bit miss yi telt us aboot this yesterday"

... so there you go all I have to do is tell them!

Think tank

Last week a child from another class told me a joke. The joke was
funnyish but not hilarious. It was a pun centering around the word 'tank'.

Tank was one of our spelling words, so I told the joke in class. I met with a
sea of blank faces. I explained both meanings of the word 'tank' and
told the joke again. This time a few faces cracked while others looked

In the staff room a few days later we were talking about how our
children had no sense of humour and I repeated the story above. By the
time I had gotten to actually telling the joke, I couldn't for laughing
at it. Of course when someone tells you a joke while creased with
laughter ... well laughter is contagious.

Now every-time I tell the joke it just gets funnier and funnier....

Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other, " how do you drive this

Today one of the children ran up and said, "please miss I told ma
mammy that joke and she laughed. "Two goldfish in a tank and one says to
the other, How do you swim this thing?"

I do hope this isn't one of those stories one has to be there for,
because this just keeps getting funnier.

recognise this?

Parents night was coming up and in PSD we are talking about growing up,
comparing what we could do when we were babies to what we can do now. I
thought a nice display idea would be to get baby photos of all the
children and have a 'can you guess who all the babies are' competition
for the mum's and dad's. I patiently explained this to the children. I
got the impression one child didn't quite understand...
" But miss, ma mammy knows whit ah look like"

6 going on 60

The lesson this afternoon was to concentrate on 'what I can achieve now
that I am six'. (Its amazing how many of them turned seven since term
began three weeks ago, and not a smell of birthday cake either! But its
was OK I was prepared for that) It was one of those lesson which was
designed to show the child how much they themselves had come on.

So we sat in our circle and you wouldn’t believe the number of genius
children I have in my class. Most of them could walk, string complex
sentences together ( not that they know what a complex sentence is) eat
with a knife and fork and go to the toilet themselves all before their
first birthday. I even had one who insisted she could remember being

So once we had established a little reason to things, we went through
all the things they could do at one, then two, then three, and so on.

Then came the next part. What do you think you will be able to do by
the time you are 7 (8)? Oh the suggestions came thick and fast. They
were loving this... ride my bike without stabilisers, go on my electric
scooter, do my tables.... Meanwhile Jim grunted in the corner, rolled
over and scratched looking supremely un interested.

What will you be able to do when you are 12? Do big sums, I’ll really
know my tables by then, go to school myself...

Ah but what school ?

Oh aye we go tae a high skul ‘en’ grunted Jim forgetting his
studied indifference for a moment. He quickly regained it when I looked
round: seems not to realise after all the shouting he does in the
boys toilets I know his voice and I don’t need to see his face to know
its him.

OK what about when you are 21 ?
DRIVE!!! shouted all the boys with one voice, buy a car, go to work,
get married and have babies.

'Who said that?' grunted Jim... Toni ( a nice wee lassie)... 'Well Ahm
no huvin oany babies!"
I reassured him that it wasn't compulsory.

Be rich, really really know my tables, be teachers, Oh oh miss, we’ll
be able to kiss oor boyfriends.


Jim to Toni.... Haw Toni, your sick!